“Microagression “: A Couple’s Worst Enemy

Microaggression is a hidden form of psychological abuse based on persistent, daily reprimands – the humiliation in which the other person uses jokes or teasing to gradually deprive you of your self-esteem. In this article we will talk about a couple’s worst enemy.

We talk about the type of abuse you do not hear much about because it is not so obvious, does not leave marks, and because often, neither the aggressor nor the victim is aware that something very destructive is happening.

We will review some examples to help us understand it better.

It is common for both men and women to tell each other things like, “I love. how clumsy you are, you always save my day when you smash things. ”

“I better say the word, if you do, you’re ruining it.” “Stop, don’t do it, let me do it, because with your butter fingers you just want to ruin it.”

As you can see, these are situations where you can feel a sense of love, intimacy, but in fact, it puts control in one person’s hands and removes control from the other person.

We encourage you to dig into this topic to become aware of this type of speech that you may encounter.

Characteristics of “microaggressions”

When one of these dimensions fails, the rest is weakened. Because without good communication, for example, there can never be proper empathy, and without empathy there can be no authentic mutual understanding.

A good and healthy relationship is like a strongly woven fabric with many colors that harmonize. Differences are respected because there is a balance between this group of threads and the materials that make up the fabric.

Now microaggressions are like pulling a thread every day. You do not notice it at the given time, but it eventually weakens the relationship and leaves small gaps where harmony and happiness can escape.

Let us look at the main properties of microaggressions.

Inattention and underestimation

Inattention and underestimation resemble a noticeable lack of interest in the other. Therefore, it is a kind of microaggression that happens continuously on a daily basis.

Here are a few small examples of a couple’s worst enemy:

• Ridicule of what the other person likes.

• Lack the gratitude that keeps relationships going.
• Never have time to do what the other person likes to do; This is never a good time.
• Diminish what the other person likes in front of other people (“ she just spends all day reading, what a waste of time…” )

Deny the other and make them feel stupid

This is certainly one of the most common characteristics of microaggressions.

But the complicated thing is that it is often one way to destroy the other. In other words, you might think it’s innocent, just another way they show care and love.

Here are some examples to keep in mind:

• The other person starts to take responsibility for things because they claim that “they do it better than us, this way it will save us time.”
• They often talk about each other’s supposed shortcomings in front of friends and family. “She just can not cook, everything she touches, she smashes, you should see what she did at the computer…”
• All of this is very harmful and destroys your sense of identity and your self-esteem.

Lack of trust in the other

As you receive the winds of these microaggressions, you will experience many personal changes.

Besides seeing how it destroys your self-esteem, you will usually realize that you do not trust the other person anymore.

• You stop doing things, afraid of being sharply reprimanded or criticized.
• You also stop communicating comfortably with them because their language is always filled with this harmful sarcasm.

Likewise, it is common for the abuse victim in this situation to be very slow to respond.

This is because you have internalized the idea that addicts hit with their hands, raise their voice, or hamper your freedom.

Microaggressions are like soft attacks, hardly noticeable. But they are attacks. Do not forget why:

• They are based on tearing the other down.
• They deny the other person to gain power.
• They do not let the other person be themselves, they are not allowed to feel perfect and happy to be who they are, to like what they like.

• Your good points, strengths and successes mean nothing more. The other uses microaggressions to make them fade away.

Learn to identify microaggressions. Be strong and have the courage to confront them.